(no subject)

[siercia]

So much to write about, don't know how much to actually put out there. The usual mundane life stuff, the swirling around in my head.

Tonight at goddess knitting, we had to go around the table and state our "intentions". What we hope to achieve with this half of the process, what we want from the circle, what we have to offer the circle. Not good at that sort of thing anyway, and then she made me go first. I'm not even sure where to start. Something makes sense, then the discussion goes in another direction and that makes sense too. It's only one project. I doubt it can fix everything that's wrong with me in one little project. Heh.

Thought about going and sitting somewhere after the circle and trying to get some of the thoughts in my head out onto (virtual) paper and didn't. I called it not wanting to spend money (since going and sitting anywhere on a rainy night requires food purchasing), called it too tired to want to stop, but I think it was mostly not wanting to actually spit this stuff out.

So came home and found myself driven nuts by the boob tube, retreating to the guest room with the laptop (god bless the laptop). Definitely need to pursue either moving the tv, or making the guest room (or maybe my bedroom) a more inviting quiet space. Of course, that requires a life where we don't have someone statying over every week. Not that I don't like having Elisa stay over, because I do. It's just cramping my decorating a wee bit.

Fundamental question currently being puzzled is a toughie. And one I don't have answers to. And because I do all my living inside my own head, well, I'll figure it out in time. I know I need to get better about actually talking about things instead of having these elaborate conversations in my brain that I never actually let out anywhere. Half the time, I think that I have too, or maybe I've spent so much time thinking about it, I feel like it should be obvious to everyone (you know, I'm just emanating the mind waves) nd so end up very puzzled when no one else knows what's on my mind. Also need to stop fearing people won't like me if I let it out. Or rather, that if that happens, they probably weren't worth bothering with in the first place.

Let's see, what else is going on. Hmmm. Trying to get ourselves onto something that resembles a reasonable budget. This shouldn't be so tough. It's not like we're trying to make do with $20/week for groceries, for goodness sakes. So far, not so easy, but I think that's just making the adjustment. That and realizing just how MANY places we've been pissing away our money every month. It's terrifying, really. I think what we need now are some goals, short, medium and long range. I find it easier to decide what I want vs. what I need if I'm weighing it against something that I know I want.

Part of the new budget is weekly "allowances" for each of us - for discretionary spending. You know, lunches out, coffee shop runs, new media, new toys. And money can be saved and carried over from week to week, for saving up for those big purchases. Myfirst goal here is to get a spinning wheel. It's a lot easier to decide to pack some sandwiches from home when I weight running out for lunch against getting a wheel, which I've wanted for a while now. Hopefully, I'll have enough saved up before we go on vacation with the folks this summer, since there's a couple of likely purchasing spots up where we'll be vacationing.

Wiley's not much of one for setting goals, it often seems, and I've been content to go along with that in the drifting along sort of a sense. I don't think I can keep doing that, lest I end up 51 with nothing real to show for it except being 20 years older. I don't need a "master plan" with all the rigidity that implies, but I need some kind of structure, or I'm going to go insane. Or perhaps I just need to feel like I'm making conscious deliberate choices instead of just jumping into whatever the "next" thing is without actually looking to see if we're doing it as best we can, or making sure that it will meet my needs as far as making myself happy. Of course, I'm still not sure exactly what to work for.

Well, short term, replacing the Saturn; saving enough for Widget's second year of Montessori. Long term, Widget's college and retirement. But what does retirement mean? Working until we're 55, 65, 75? Being able to quit my job in ten years and do something more fun? Do we want to try and save for a little house in NH that we can use now for vacations / snowboarding? If we do, is it with the intention of retiring there? Or I should say, I suspect I know what I would work towards, but I think we need to come to a common vision for this to go anywhere.

(incidentally, I was ruminating about beach people and mountain people the other day. I was thinking about a line from that song, the dumb one that's like a grad speech set to music, where they say something like "if you have to choose between the mountains or the ocean, choose the ocean, because eventually the mountains will depress you", which I have NEVER agreed with. Also thinking about all the people that cram onto Rt 3 to go to the cape, and who have houses down there and stuff. I would never ever in a million years choose beach over mountains. I like living near the water, don't get me wrong. But if I'm looking at buying a vacation house, it's absolutely, beyond a doubt, going to be in the mountains. I think it's just in my blood or something.)

Work is worklike. Supervisor-boss was out this week, and Ms. prunesnprisms was in charge of my butt all week instead. I think it was a pretty good week, at least for me. Solved a couple of niggling problems, moved many of the rest of my things along at a decent clip. Was polite to most everyone, and managed to keep my desk clean all week.

I got greeted this morning by Widget throwing up, but then she seemed fine for the rest of the day. It was mostly water, perhaps she just dramk too much out of her cup before she got out of bed? Who knows. I can't make myself nuts worrying about it.

I think we've picked a weekend for painting the house. Now we need to find someone who wants to take Widget the last weekend in June and then pick the color that we want to paint.

There's more, but this is long enough, and I need to get my butt into bed. Widget's been getting up early lately, makiong my normal midnight bedtime not such a good idea.

Lastly, I am DAMN sick of this weather. What is up with 4-5 cloudbursts a day, sandwiching 30 minute stretches of beautiful weather? It's making me cranky, and Widget crazy. The sun comes out, it looks beautiful, but everything is just wet wet wet. Ick.

Comments

[biophile6.livejournal.com]

I prefer mountains most of the time, too.
That was an amazing post, thank you. You'll get it all, I'm sure.

Unsolicited offer:

You have a choice:

Now I dont know whether whats in your head is something that would *make* someone dislike you, and I suspect its not, its just been a source of pain before (?), but: It seems like its either hide, and wonder, and reveal, and deal.

Upside of Hide: Safety; guaranteed low grade happiness.
Downside of Hide: Upper Limit on happiness

Upside of Reveal: Ecstasy, flow, synchrony
Downside of Reveal: Judgement, vulnerability, soreness


At least,

Thats my take.

[sarahparah.livejournal.com]

This was such a great post, the time I rarely have the gumption to make any more. Thanks for the peek in.

[skreeky]

FYI, I'll be calling for moving help on Sunday the 27th. This may not matter to you at all, but I thought I'd mention it in case that puts us in competition for helpers.

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

We might be able to take Miss Widget call and talk to me about it.

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

I can empathize with the feeling of drifting along and suddenly realizing that it would be all too easy to wake up in twenty years not far from where you are now.

It's funny - I actually picked up a used copy of "Your Money or Your Life" which I believe I once saw on Wiley's interests, and while some of it involved way more work than I wanted to do (quantifying life-energy), the core idea of tracking spending and figuring out how much what it gets you is really worth, is invaluable. Once you're aware of where your money goes, you can decide what to do about it.

As far as conversations in your head... well... biophile nailed that one.

[siercia]

Thank you for the heads up!

For helpers, we're drafting my Dad and brother(s) to come up and help out so the only possible conflict might be a babysitter.

And hey, if our painting goes more quickly than we expect, we'll already have a sitter lined up to come help with the move =)

[siercia]

I'll try to call you this weekend.

Oh, any chance you're free for Dim Sum on Sunday morning? I'll ask when I call, too =)

[siercia]

Good to know I'm not the only one feeling the drift. I figure that if writing down everything works for dieting, by making you face your consumption levels, it's gotta work that was for finances too.

If nothing else, it'll at least give me a good handle on what is a reasonable expectation as far as spending and saving and whatnot.

And yeah, he pretty well nailed it. He's smart like that.

[siercia]

*grin*

[siercia]

I don't think that it's anything that would make anyone dislike me per se, but it might be stuff that would cause me to be judged harshly. The more I go inside myself, the more I see that my primary motivator is fear. I don't quit my job because I fear that I won't like anything else any better. I don't insist on what I want because I fear it will force choices I'm afraid to make, or cause people to judge. The list is nearly endless, or so it seems many days.

You've certainly hit the nail on the head about the hiding and the revealing.

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

So has writing food down changed how you've thought about it?

(if any of this is super obvious to you, I'm not trying to be snarky)

The first challenge is actually figuring out your regular outflow - stuff that must be paid, food, all that stuff. Then the must-haves (gym or broadband or whaver - and it always pays to examine how much you actually use the thing you say you live or die by... we got rid of regular cable when we realized we just mostly watched movies...) Then it gets tough - the quantifying of all those Starbuck's lattes, or spur purchases... that's where the real horror begins. :)

The old saying "Pay yourself first" (as in right into a savings acct), before anything else, is a good one. You don't see the money, you don't think of it as free to spend. Auto-transfer is a big help, as long as you're not riding too close to the line.

[siercia]

*nod* it all makes sense. Right now, I've got a handle on the must-pay outflow. The mortgage, the car payment, the insurance, the utilities, etc etc. We could probably do some cutting of some of those, but for the most part those are as pruned as we're likely to get them.

That left us with X in leftover money, and based on the past few months of grocery shops, I earmarked Y of that leftover for the grocery bill. In the meantime, I'm trying you make an effort to lessen the grocery bill where I can.

Then I took what was left, said Z should go to savings each month, A is our personal and date night allowances, and B is the general household fund.

For the next couple months I want to see how well we do sticking to the B number, and we'll adjust the savings number as necessary. Once we have a realistic expectaion of what that savings number actually is, then I'll probably set it up to auto-deposit right out of my check int the savings account so that we have it, but it's not mentally included in the "in play" money.

We've got one chunk of debt that I'm trying to aggresively pay off, to be gone next year, and we'll pay off the last of Wiley's student loans around the same time that will free up a good deal of money, so I think if we can live frugally(ish) for the one year, we'll be in really good shape next spring.

Thank you for the advice =)

[siercia]

And yes, writing food down DID change how I thought about it. It made me more aware of exactly what I was eating, made me less likely to eat something "bad" for me because I'd have to face it in my journal, and generally accountable to myself. You can actually tell now that I'm slacking badly in the diet department whether I had a good or bad food day by whether the journal is filled in or not.

[biophile6.livejournal.com]

There are only two major motivators:

Fear of Loss
Love of Gain

The former is always stronger, you are not alone!

I thought of this later

[siercia]

Probably one of the best ways that writing everything down changes how I think about food is that I no longer spend every day with a constant pall of "I shouldn't eat that" hanging over my head.

In Weight Watchers terms, if I've eaten well the rest of the day, and have points left over at the end, there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with spending the remainder on ice cream or chips or cheese or whatever floats my boat. I can enjoy it without any guilt over whether it's healthy or not (especially since the portion control is built into fitting it into my allowed points).

I'm hoping the same will be true about money. Instead of always feeling like I can't afford something that I want, I'll know if I can or not, and if I can't what steps I have to take to get it.

Re: I thought of this later

[enochs-fable.livejournal.com]

*nod* makes a lot of sense. But how do you calculate points for restaurants?