The strangest thing
Apr. 20th, 2003 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sierciaI had the most unusual experience this morning, and I'm not even sure how to put it into words. I'm going to try now, even though I have lots of other thigs the chatter about, because I don't want to forget it; it's absolutely something I need to think about and process a little.
I saw last night that one of the caches near our house had a newly arrived travel bug in it. Since I've really wanted to get my hands on a travel bug, when we woke up early enough this morning to go out before we had to appear for Easter/birthday party at my aunt's, I proposed walking out to it, since it was a nice morning. We walked out, found the cache and got the bug, and headed for home. On our way, Widget, riding in the backpack, was singing at the top of her lungs. Wiley was trying to convince her to be quieter, when we heard a woodpecker pounding away at a tree. We shushed Widget so she could hear it, and she was entranced. As we listened, we heard another and then another, practically doing a call and answer routine with their pecking.
This is the weird part. Or, at least, weird if you know me
As I stood there, on this beautiful spring morning, with the sunlight filtering through the trees, listening to both the woodpeckers and to Widget being entranced by them, I was suddenly filled with this amazing feeling of peace and happiness, and I swear, it almost felt as if someone or something was whispering in my ear, telling me that everything was going to be okay, and that for just that moment, everything was right with the world.
As I thought about it, the only word I could think of to describe the feeling was... faith. It really did feel like I was listening to God speak in my ear. And I can't tell you how strange that is for me... I grew up surrounded by religion, and never once felt anything calling to me. I said the prayers, I kneeled in church, I took Communion, and was nothing but bored and itching to leave. I always thought people who described prayer as "talking to God" were, well, a little weird.
Which is not to say I didn't want to feel it; I've often felt that I would like to feel that sense of comfort, that ability to release my grip on the controls because I had faith in God, and a willingness to believe. I didn't necessarily think it would be easier to live that way, but perhaps less stressful, happpier. (And, because I'm me, without ever descending into the twisted hateful nastiness that "faith" leads so many people to.)
But, whether I wanted it or not, it was never there, at least never enough for me to notice it. And now, I'm not sure what to think. Was this some strange trick my brain is playing on me? Am I just coming to find a comfort in my life that has been missing, and so I don't recognize actual unfiltered happiness when I feel it? Was it something else, something deeper? I don't know, and I'm not sure where to go with this now. I guess I'm just going to chew it over in my mind for a while see what comes out of it.
And I think I'm going to try and keep my ears open for a little while, too.
I saw last night that one of the caches near our house had a newly arrived travel bug in it. Since I've really wanted to get my hands on a travel bug, when we woke up early enough this morning to go out before we had to appear for Easter/birthday party at my aunt's, I proposed walking out to it, since it was a nice morning. We walked out, found the cache and got the bug, and headed for home. On our way, Widget, riding in the backpack, was singing at the top of her lungs. Wiley was trying to convince her to be quieter, when we heard a woodpecker pounding away at a tree. We shushed Widget so she could hear it, and she was entranced. As we listened, we heard another and then another, practically doing a call and answer routine with their pecking.
This is the weird part. Or, at least, weird if you know me
As I stood there, on this beautiful spring morning, with the sunlight filtering through the trees, listening to both the woodpeckers and to Widget being entranced by them, I was suddenly filled with this amazing feeling of peace and happiness, and I swear, it almost felt as if someone or something was whispering in my ear, telling me that everything was going to be okay, and that for just that moment, everything was right with the world.
As I thought about it, the only word I could think of to describe the feeling was... faith. It really did feel like I was listening to God speak in my ear. And I can't tell you how strange that is for me... I grew up surrounded by religion, and never once felt anything calling to me. I said the prayers, I kneeled in church, I took Communion, and was nothing but bored and itching to leave. I always thought people who described prayer as "talking to God" were, well, a little weird.
Which is not to say I didn't want to feel it; I've often felt that I would like to feel that sense of comfort, that ability to release my grip on the controls because I had faith in God, and a willingness to believe. I didn't necessarily think it would be easier to live that way, but perhaps less stressful, happpier. (And, because I'm me, without ever descending into the twisted hateful nastiness that "faith" leads so many people to.)
But, whether I wanted it or not, it was never there, at least never enough for me to notice it. And now, I'm not sure what to think. Was this some strange trick my brain is playing on me? Am I just coming to find a comfort in my life that has been missing, and so I don't recognize actual unfiltered happiness when I feel it? Was it something else, something deeper? I don't know, and I'm not sure where to go with this now. I guess I'm just going to chew it over in my mind for a while see what comes out of it.
And I think I'm going to try and keep my ears open for a little while, too.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-20 08:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-21 05:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-21 06:24 am (UTC)Enjoy it. :)
I've had experiences like that...
Date: 2003-04-21 07:02 am (UTC)It helps to be open to the wonders around you.
My husband is into geocaching, too!
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-21 05:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-23 07:59 am (UTC)According to some religious philosophies, it's not really important whether it was something inside your brain, or something higher, because they're all really the same. For instance, when I'm talking to the gods, I don't for a second think there's something literally in front of me talking away at me, I'm just connecting with a specific part of my conscious. However, since I believe we're all manifestations of the gods, it's really the same thing as connecting to something bigger.
What's important is that you had a need at a specific time, and either you or something responded to that. It's the response which is important.