I don't get this

[siercia]

I know that I send of relatively strong leave me alone vibes. Evidence of this includes the fact that crazies on the train/bus/whatever never ever bother me, I can count the number of times I've been hit on by strangers on one hand, and even little old ladies on planes never chat with me.

But god, is it so strong that even when I'm trying to be friendly with people, I send out don't bother being friendly with me vibes?

I swear, we were at the playgroup today, I was friendly, I introduced myself to people, I smiled and made chatter about their kids. And nothing. As soon as their kids moved on, they'd move on to other groups of moms (who I don't think they knew either) and then stand their chatting for ages, while their kids wandered off to other things.

I'd figure on just going again and you know, gradually getting to know the other moms, but experience proves that even this isn't a strategy that will do me any good.

This matters not so much because I desperately need to make friends (altho I wouldn't mind making friends with some other moms) but because I'd like to find a few kids around here for Widget to play with. Seems unlikely to happen if I can't even get past the minimal new acquaintance chatter.

Not to mention that I'd like to be a decent model for Widget - I can't just be telling her to make friends with people if I can't manage to do it myself.

Fuck. I hate being this whiny, but I'm really tired of this. Bleah.

Comments

[gigglinggorgon.livejournal.com]

I actually have the opposite problem... even when I was a teen black boots/clothes/CAPE and had GREEN FUCKING HAIR old people and children bypassed all the nice, friendly looking people in the mall and such to tell ME they were lost/needed help/ask direction. Crazies think I'm their daughter/best friend/niece (yeah, the four foot tall black man with an accent thought the six foot tall white girl from NY was his niece...) and sometimes it's just too much!

We need an energy merge ;)

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Is Widget playing with the other kids? Because if so, you can always go up to the parent of the kid she's currently latched onto and say, "Oh, look, it looks like they're friends" or something like that, you know? Use the kid!!

Re:

[siercia]

I've tried that. Conversation usually fizzles out after the "how old is she/he?" type pleasantries. And Widgets still a little too young for really making friends, but with no controlled environments in which to play with other kids, she's never going to start getting a handle on the skills she needs, you know? She's crazy intimidated by the hyper playground interactions.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

*I* would be crazy intimidated by the hyper playground interactions.

She's getting to be preschool age soon. That will help.

[kiteflier98.livejournal.com]

People have reasons. Sometimes they just don't make any sense at all. Just be direct. As nice as you are I doubt they'd ever turn you down. If they are, just send 'em my way and I'll beat 'em up for you :)

[bookwitch.livejournal.com]

Was today just an off day? Or has this happened before?

I know if I get the vibe going, it can be difficult to connect.

Probably not helpful, but I was just wondering if today stood out.

Re:

[siercia]

No, this happens all the time - playgroups, at the playground, pretty much everywhere, including in "adult" interaction areas as well, not just trying to connect with other moms.

Re:

[bookwitch.livejournal.com]

Wish I had some advice. :( I don't always do so well in this area myself.

[bookwitch.livejournal.com]

Erg. Forgot to put this.

If this is a commonplace thing in this playgroup, are there other playgroups that would fit your schedule? Maybe you've just happened to get into a "highschoolish" or "cliquish" group.

[mermil.livejournal.com]

You're not being whiny...it would make me feel bad too. I don't know..it sounds like this might be a cliquish playgroup, like some other people have said. I think the fault lies in the other mothers, not in you. After all, you were the one who tried to initiate conversation, and they chose to sort of drift off.

Re:

[siercia]

I don't think so, because it seems to happen pretty much everywhere to me. I'm starting to think that it's my Yankee nature, so reserved that even when I feel like I'm falling over myself being friendly, I barely blip on other people's friendly meters.

[asmodel.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said, plus, if you're not used to making new friends and aquaintances, it's harder to pull off the random chatting, especially if you're not used to the surroundings. Keep going for a few more weeks, and see how it goes, and you'll get better at it. Trust me, by the end of 3 months of backpacking, I was great at striking up conversations with random people, but I couldn't say the same for me at the beginning.