goddess knitting
Apr. 9th, 2004 01:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sierciaI mentioned the other day that I had signed up for a new-agey knitting workshop. I didn't go into detail because, well, I felt a little silly about it, and I didn't really want to endure the potential teasing, at least until after we'd had the first meeting, and I really understood better what we would be doing. Well, the first meeting was tonight, and I think it's going to be very interesting.
The premise of the workshop is that for the first 5 meetings, we (a group of eight women, plus the moderator) meet and discuss the mythology and stories of the seven "major" greek goddesses (Athena, Artemis, Hestia, Aprodite, Persephone, Demeter and Hera). We discuss their archetype, and the personality elements that they somewhat represent. Then we relate those personality elements (both positive and negative) to ourselves; how they manifest in our own lives fo good or bad. The hope is that in the course of these discussions, we'll be pulled towards one of the goddesses, either because we recognize her strengths as our own, or perhaps because we find similarity in our weaknesses. The second half of the workshop, the moderator helps us to design a knitting project that will help us to either enhance the positive traits we're drawn to, or perhaps lessen the effects of a negative (I suspect, generally by finding the balacing trait, and enhancing that). Then we create the project that we've designed.
So, I went into this curious, but rather skeptical. It's my nature. I even said that when we went around the room doing introductions. Then as I was driving home, I thought some more about what I really meant by that, and I think I may have even surprised myself. When I got home, I dropped a quick note to the moderator, trying to explain it a little better. This is what I wrote:
I really enjoyed the first meeting of the goddess knitting circle, and I'm very excited about taking part in it, despite my "skepticism". I wanted to take a minute to explain more about what I meant, since I don't think it quite came out how I meant.
It's not that I'm skeptical about the concept of what you're doing with the circle, but that I'm skeptical about whether I'll get anything out of it. But I'm taking part in the group because I want to explore my own sense of skepticism about this sort of thing - and find out whether I really am just the sort of person who doesn't get anything out of this kind of activity, or whether my skepticism is more of a defense mechanism; that I don't want to explore in this manner, for whatever reason, so I decide it won't work without ever trying it. I hope that by approaching it as openly as possible I will be able to take something good away, and you create an atmosphere that seems conducive to that process.
Anyway, I hope that makes more sense, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of the meetings!
I am a very guarded person; most everyone who knows me realizes this. (Well, it might surprise some because of the kinds of things I am willing to discuss, but that's a tale for another time.) I just don't share myself with people, tending to keep even those who are closest to me at arm's reach. I don't know why I do this, I think it's just innate, an intrinsic part of who I am. I'm completely the kind of person who would never spend time in therapy, not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because I would spend that money to go to a therapist to really be unable to say anything beyond "No no, everything's fine, really." I can't even imagine the work it would take to get beyond that.
And for the most part, I'm really okay with that. I live here, with a deep and varied inner life, and if I never really talk about what's going on in my head, that's no big deal. But what if a big part of my choosing to live this way is due to fear? Fear that if I look to hard into myself, I might find things in there that I don't like, or don't want to deal with? What if I find the power within myself to actually make the changes in my life that the quiet inside voice knows I need to make? How much of this is me being quietly myself, and how much of it is just not allowing my truer self to shine out? How much of it is me quieting myself because I'm afraid people won't like the "real" me that's bottled up inside my head?
But I think that this circle might give me a chance to change that. I'm going to try to go into it with an open heart as well as an open mind. See what happens if I really open myself up, both to myself and other people. See what I find in myself that I didn't know I had.
So, here's a warning. I suspect that as I go through the course of the workshop, there's going to be a lot of navel gazing going on in here. It's not normally something I'm a fan of, but I hope y'all will indulge me while I do it.
Or maybe next week, I'll decide it's all a bunch of hooey, and treat it like just another knitting circle.
The premise of the workshop is that for the first 5 meetings, we (a group of eight women, plus the moderator) meet and discuss the mythology and stories of the seven "major" greek goddesses (Athena, Artemis, Hestia, Aprodite, Persephone, Demeter and Hera). We discuss their archetype, and the personality elements that they somewhat represent. Then we relate those personality elements (both positive and negative) to ourselves; how they manifest in our own lives fo good or bad. The hope is that in the course of these discussions, we'll be pulled towards one of the goddesses, either because we recognize her strengths as our own, or perhaps because we find similarity in our weaknesses. The second half of the workshop, the moderator helps us to design a knitting project that will help us to either enhance the positive traits we're drawn to, or perhaps lessen the effects of a negative (I suspect, generally by finding the balacing trait, and enhancing that). Then we create the project that we've designed.
So, I went into this curious, but rather skeptical. It's my nature. I even said that when we went around the room doing introductions. Then as I was driving home, I thought some more about what I really meant by that, and I think I may have even surprised myself. When I got home, I dropped a quick note to the moderator, trying to explain it a little better. This is what I wrote:
I really enjoyed the first meeting of the goddess knitting circle, and I'm very excited about taking part in it, despite my "skepticism". I wanted to take a minute to explain more about what I meant, since I don't think it quite came out how I meant.
It's not that I'm skeptical about the concept of what you're doing with the circle, but that I'm skeptical about whether I'll get anything out of it. But I'm taking part in the group because I want to explore my own sense of skepticism about this sort of thing - and find out whether I really am just the sort of person who doesn't get anything out of this kind of activity, or whether my skepticism is more of a defense mechanism; that I don't want to explore in this manner, for whatever reason, so I decide it won't work without ever trying it. I hope that by approaching it as openly as possible I will be able to take something good away, and you create an atmosphere that seems conducive to that process.
Anyway, I hope that makes more sense, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of the meetings!
I am a very guarded person; most everyone who knows me realizes this. (Well, it might surprise some because of the kinds of things I am willing to discuss, but that's a tale for another time.) I just don't share myself with people, tending to keep even those who are closest to me at arm's reach. I don't know why I do this, I think it's just innate, an intrinsic part of who I am. I'm completely the kind of person who would never spend time in therapy, not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because I would spend that money to go to a therapist to really be unable to say anything beyond "No no, everything's fine, really." I can't even imagine the work it would take to get beyond that.
And for the most part, I'm really okay with that. I live here, with a deep and varied inner life, and if I never really talk about what's going on in my head, that's no big deal. But what if a big part of my choosing to live this way is due to fear? Fear that if I look to hard into myself, I might find things in there that I don't like, or don't want to deal with? What if I find the power within myself to actually make the changes in my life that the quiet inside voice knows I need to make? How much of this is me being quietly myself, and how much of it is just not allowing my truer self to shine out? How much of it is me quieting myself because I'm afraid people won't like the "real" me that's bottled up inside my head?
But I think that this circle might give me a chance to change that. I'm going to try to go into it with an open heart as well as an open mind. See what happens if I really open myself up, both to myself and other people. See what I find in myself that I didn't know I had.
So, here's a warning. I suspect that as I go through the course of the workshop, there's going to be a lot of navel gazing going on in here. It's not normally something I'm a fan of, but I hope y'all will indulge me while I do it.
Or maybe next week, I'll decide it's all a bunch of hooey, and treat it like just another knitting circle.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-09 06:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-09 12:20 pm (UTC)I think one of the reasons I end up having to drop therapists for being too chatty is because I never really say something's wrong. And it's not that I don't get frustrated with things in my life, it's that I know that I will work them out in their own time and don't feel like hashing it out at that moment. Maybe. Who knows? Maybe I'm lying even to myself.
I do the same thing at the doctor. I'll go to the doctor for something, and then minimize the symptoms. Oops.
I hope you have fun in your knitting circle!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-09 03:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-09 03:39 pm (UTC)Like this throat thing. I went there and was all swollen, but I tell her I'm feeling fine. I mean, I /was/ feeling fine except for the swelling, but maybe I should have beefed it up a little.
We're weird.
Vision and hope...
Date: 2004-04-09 01:40 pm (UTC)voice
change
shine
Re: Vision and hope...
Date: 2004-04-09 03:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-10 12:43 am (UTC)I hope you DO get something out of it.
But I think that even if you do decide that it's a bunch of hooey, you'll still have fun with the knitting. :)
At any rate, I can't wait to hear more.